hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
