U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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