I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
