So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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