Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The adults are the big ones right?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
