you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
