I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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