You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
