and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
