I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
