So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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