Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
