we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
