i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
