Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
