Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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