I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
