Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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