the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
