Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
