I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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