Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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