I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
