im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
