brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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