My nipple is on Facebook.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
