can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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