Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
