you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
