Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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