Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
