But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I would fuck him just for his dog
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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