And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Damn victory sex feels great
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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