Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
