My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
