fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Randomize
