It's Friday. Sex?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
