I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
