we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
