i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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