I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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