please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
