Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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