ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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