I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Randomize
