I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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