i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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