a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
