I wanna bring you to show and tell
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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