Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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