I have demons in me.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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