I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Bring me that man meat
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
