Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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